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Sunday, December 4

       :: A Start of A New Beginning ::

    I stayed in his place last night. Talked, talked and just basically hang out like during the good old times. Getting into it for the third time was not just hard for him but for me. I went with it with having fear in my heart. My wounds hasn't totally healed yet and so is his heart. It was hard to go back to the old rituals of "lambing" and all.. Nahihirapan ako..nahihirapan din siya. I just didn't want to tell him 'coz I didn't want to break my promise of not giving up.
    But after a few hours we both knew that being in a relationship right now wasn't something that would be good for the both of us. I was happy to have him back but I wasn't sure if that happiness was true or I was just clinging to the past. He wasn't also happy to be back. Too many things happened these past few months...too many harmful actions and words were done...patong patong na sugat. And ang hirap i-heal when your awaiting another blow in a few weeks or so.
    After nawala ung pressure..after we agreed to stay friends for now.. Everything went back to normal. We were laughing again and it was true spontaneous and no act laughter. We were talking about each other's experiences and were both being carefree.
    I don't think we'll ever be just normal friends. Whatever happens iba pa rin ang pakikitungo ko sa kanya. I told him na it's hard for me not to see him or meet with him once in a while so we agreed that we can still go out together pero as friends muna. And for some reason the affection that was hard to do nung we got back together e parang ang dali-dali na nung hindi na kami. Of course, ala na yung super intimate affection but the affection is still there.
    Alam naman naming dalawa na for three years naging super comfortable kami sa isa't-isa kaya siguro kahit hindi na kami e we still hug each other and lay our heads on each other's laps. I don't think that type of affection will ever fade away. I even cried at one point since sa kanya ko nilabas lahat ng sama ng loob ko about the things I disliked about other people after the break up. But everything went ok even during the night.
    I know it all sounds weird. May affection pero hindi sila? They will go out together lang pero hindi sila? But I guess its the best we both could do for now. At least we both still truly believe that maybe someday we can get back together as a couple..



I watch you sleep tonight
Asking, Wondering
When will be the next time?

Will I ever find the way back to your heart?
Will my place be still there
when it starts?

How?
When?
How long will it take?

Only your heart knows
Baby,
Only your heart knows


8:11 AM

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